Browsing Category

Silence

Compassion, Curiosity, Discernment, Emotions, Healing, Inner Guidance, Intention, Life Coaching, Life Path, Meditation, Path, Personal Growth, Self-love, Silence, Soul, Support, Transformation, Wisdom

An Inner Knowing

For many months in my previous partnership I struggled. Within me, when I got still and quiet, I knew that my soul had outgrown the relationship. Feeling strongly attached to this person and fearful of losing the comforts and safety of our connection, my heart wasn’t quite ready to let go. If I dropped into intuition there was a clear answer, an answer I avoided and pushed away. Instead, I kept going into my head to find and remind myself of the plentiful reasons to stay. He was kind, gentle, sweet, caring, affectionate, accepting, stable, steady, grounding, responsible, and a good cook (I miss his fish tacos and macrobiotic bowls!).

Even though on a soul level I knew I’d have to leave, my head sought out the insights of my therapist, my mom, and an elder with whom I had bonded. I sought counsel from self-help books and relationship experts. womanwater I took in any advice whether it was targeted to me or about relationships in general. In all of this I was looking for reasons to stay that would be strong enough to overcome the twisting and conflicted feeling inside that told me to move on.

I stayed with him for a year beyond what my inner guidance was telling me. I absolutely do not regret it. Following my intuition early on and ending the relationship when there was real, genuine care and comfort, may have led me to worry that I had not tried hard enough to make things work. The books, the conversations, the resources, and the counseling, all of it brought me to a place of acceptance. I had tried everything, given my all, and could leave the relationship knowing it was the right choice. And I was building a muscle. A muscle of intuitive trust, so next time there will be a recognition, –oh *that*, I know that feeling…that feeling is telling me what is true.

To the tenderhearted, lovelorn, and longing: there’s tons of advice out there, books on relationship rules, and gurus sharing wisdom on love, but it probably won’t do you a bit of good. People told me “stay!” because you can’t get all your needs met from one person. (I agree). People told me “leave!” because you are worthy of someone who really meets your nonnegotiable needs. (I agree). People told me that men aren’t that comfortable communicating about their feelings so I’m expecting too much. (Really disagree!) People told me to go, not to settle — there’s someone out there who wants to share their inner world with you. (I optimistically say, hell yes!) My point is: it didn’t really matter what people said. There were so many conflicting voices and I could find what I wanted to hear, but the only voice that really knew was inner guidance and I wasn’t ready to listen until I was ready to listen. Same with you.

Get still and silent, drop in, there is a knowing…oftentimes the head comes in and rationalizes, argues, and quiets that voice, but, really, truly, there is a knowing–of the next step, the deepest hunger within, your most authentic sunsetsit offering to the world in this moment. When we practice meditation and tune into ourselves, we can build more trust and attunement to inner guidance. Next time, it won’t take me so long to respond to the inner call.

Sending you love wherever you are in your journey. When you listen within and are open to where inner guidance wants to take you then you are in the flow. Yet even when you deny that voice you’re still on the path, and life will pull you into the wave of change even if you resist. Swim with the wave, breathe, love yourself all the way through.

Awareness of Sensation, Embodiment, Emotions, grounding, Meditation, Mindfulness, Silence, Soul, Spirituality, Whole Body

In 2016? Resolve to do more of nothing + more loving.

I’ve long been suspicious of the popular tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions. I see a profit-driven mass media stoking people’s fears and insecurities and using marketing tactics that exploit our vulnerability by getting us to feel bad about ourselves and to invest in self-improvement products and memberships. It can amp up the frenzied and fast-paced tendency to seek for satisfaction from external goals or by trying to live up to unrealistic societal ideals of adventure, fitness, balance, or beauty.

On the other hand, there is something inspiring and powerful in the ritual of resolutions. That so many people are focusing energy and attention on intention at the same time, can fuel our own motivation and support us.  How do we set goals that bring us into more of a sense of our own power and wisdom within? How do we trust we are moving at our own perfect pace and keep encouraging ourselves to love ourselves when things are hard or we mess up?

I am totally thrilled to have assembled a group of awesome women to support one another in our goals through my women’s whole wellness group that starts meeting online on January 1st. And I love list-making and box-checking from my to-dos. But the 2 most important tips I want to share for the arrival of 2016 are not about what to do but more about what not to do.

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  1. Do not be hard on yourself! Please be kind, remind…yourself of how much you’ve done, how far you’ve come. Validate your feelings. Cheer yourself on and note successes. Do not use resolutions to beat yourself up, to judge or criticize yourself, compare yourself, or feel like a failure. Discouraging thoughts, harsh judgments when you fall off track do not help–they harm! They do not help motivate or change your behavior for the better. They do not come from a place of love or heart. Anytime you catch yourself in a hateful or mean thought about yourself, your emotions, energy level, progress on your goals, press PAUSE and take 3 deep belly breaths. Put your hand on your heart and offer some supportive and gentle words–to the part that let you down AND the part that is disappointed. The disappointed part has a message and a fear–acknowledge and love it. But remember you are much more likely to meet your goals and live up to your vision when you live from a place of compassion for yourself.
  2. Sit and do nothing. This is a quiet kind of courage–of going against the grain of our culture and the pressure to accomplish lofty, amazing, magical things in the new year. Believe that what needs to happen will happen–and with much more power and clarity behind it when you are moving from a centered and calm body, spirit, mind. It is brave to sit with ourselves quietly–5, 10, 20, 30 minutes a day, because when are just present to our experience without phones, friends, netflix, music we begin to FEEL the extraordinary sensations and emotions that are happening within us. Sometimes these can feel uncomfy, overwhelming, frightening, ungrounding, or giddy. Can you sit and BE and allow with the gentlness of holding a baby. Feel that icky feeling move through you as you would attend to an infant, vulnerable, innocent…maybe the infant is shitting on you and crying and screaming…how do you hold and be with an annoying baby? Curious to know their needs? Understanding their discomfort? Listening for cues of how you can help? Compassion for their suffering? Be with yourself like you would be with a baby. Set a timer. Monday 5 minutes, Tuesday 1o, Wednesday 15, Thursday 20, Friday 25. Can you go up to 30 on the weekend? Breathe, listen, feel, and be.

 

Celebration, grounding, Intention, Life Coaching, Life Path, Love, Meditation, Silence, Soul, Transformation, Whole Body, Winter

welcoming winter soulstice

Today, the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, the darkest can be an invitation into our own dark corners and hidden places. We can shine the light by asking ourselves questions we may have been too busy to consider while caught up in the continuously busy pace of our lives. We can honor the gradual return of the light that begins tomorrow and we can celebrate the gifts and wisdom of what lives in the dark.winter-mood-113325_1920

Here are some ideas for a soul-filled solstice ritual:

Set up a quiet sacred space where you have privacy and carve out time for reflection. Find a cushion or blanket to sit on, a timer, and paper/notebook and pen.

Bring in energies that ground you into your space such as healing stones, crystals, plants, found objects from the earth.

Light some candles. Turn out electric lights. Thank the darkness.

Ask for support, wisdom, and guidance from your highest self, your ancestors, the life and spirit around you.

Sit in meditation for 5-15 minutes, comfortable and relaxed yet awake and engaged.

femJournal on the following questions:

  • Think back to a year ago, in winter, what space were your heart, body, and head in?
  • What were some memorable experiences in the past year and how did they affect your heart, body, head?
  • What space is your head, body, heart in now?
  • What does your head, body, and heart need from you as you move from dark into the light?
  • Pick 3 people–alive or passed–who can support you in life or in spirit, as you move forward. See them with you. Write down what they say to you as you call on them for guidance.

Create an intention moving forward and blow out the candles as you hold this promise to yourself in your heart and mind.

In the coming days, review your intention and meditate daily to bring more power to this solstice ceremony.

Awareness of Sensation, Balance, Freedom, Life Coaching, Life Path, Open, Personal Growth, Self-love, Silence, Soul, Transformation

My body is here…

feet on earth.

My breath is still here, however shaky or uneven.

I’ve surprised myself by not getting totally freaked out at having no steady work or predictable paycheck. I’ve stayed calm when it comes to my financial future and getting the rent and bills paid.

That doesn’t mean I’ve stayed calm and serene this past month–and it’s been exactly one month since my last day of 8-5.

At first, I had things to focus on: GRE studying, applications for grad school, a busy holiday week taking care of people’s pets, including a chihuahua who bit me and a mutt who is scared of everyone and pooped in her crate the first time I went to walk her.

But as life quieted, pups calmed down, and to do lists were checked off, emptiness entered. And so did doubt. And a billion questions I hadn’t had the time or space to sit with in the past 6 years of full-time employment and busyness.

Anxiety and panic rushed in, fluttered around my chest, tightened my body, twisted my insides. What am I doing?spinnedbloom

I am still spinning. I have to remind myself. My feet remind me; my breath reminds me: I am here. I am okay. I feel a call to grow, to move, to shake up the way I’ve been living–and more pressing–the ways I’ve avoided living. The ways I’ve stayed comfortable or asleep.

What is stirring inside and coming through me still feels far away, amorphous, unknown. I am trusting that everyday, the small choices I make from inner guidance and soul growth, will reveal to me where I am next needed, and what I will be doing.

I wrote in a letter to a friend today: “I’ve made it a problem on some days, but today I am okay not knowing what is happening or where I will land when the spinning stops.”

What grounds me: as mentioned, stopping to notice my breath lifting my chest and exhaling through pores. Pressing and feeling my feet on the earth. Also, being with my dog and getting swept up in the transcendent and sensual power of music.

It’s normal to grasp for clarity and answers, to want to tell a story about our growth or learning…but there is also room for “I don’t know” and “I have no idea!” There is a time for trusting that soul is guiding you where you need to be. When there are no words for your experience nor a tidy narrative for where you’ve been and where you are going, find what works moment to moment.

I say this prayer to myself. Let me open to life, to the mystery of it. Instead of hiding and retreating in fear, or panicking and flailing in reach of something solid, may I face the risks of being 1000% in my life. May I feel the freedom and possibility of creation that follows the emptiness and endings and may I trust that I will arrive when my soul is ready.

May you trust your soul growth, as well. May you allow it to lead you into new and sometimes uncomfortable places. Have the courage to be true to yourself.

chogyamquote

 

Dreams, Intention, Meditation, Open, Personal Growth, Power Within, Silence, Soul, Spirituality, Transformation, Wisdom

The Magic of Rebirth in Every Moment

Yesterday, after a trip back from the store and my beau’s house down the street, I walked, distracted by thoughts, towards my stairwell.  I was calling my dog in from the wooded wild that faces my apartment when, in the shadowy dark of evening, perched breathtakingly close to me, was the majestic barred owl.whooo

I stopped in my tracks and snapped out of thinking, overtaken by its quiet, powerful presence. In resplendent stillness, it sat with its enormous eyes fixed–it felt as though–right on me. Suddenly, it swooped over to a branch on a nearby tree and continued its hypnotizing stare. I stood under its watch, immobilized, in awe. A wave of giddy excitement cut through me and I broke my gaze to search out a friend who lives downstairs. I wanted her to come share the moment with me. She is someone who I know loves owls, but mostly my motives were selfish–I wanted someone to affirm and witness the wonder and mystery of the moment with me. In my glee, I didn’t even notice her car’s absence–so, I was to be alone with owl (excepting my dog–who whimpers, growls, and whines at the 3 am hooting that often emerges from the forest, but in its stunning silence, my lil Yoko was oblivious.)

Owls signify many things according to varying traditions, cultures, mythology. While I refrain from using language like “spirit animal,” as it feels like cultural appropriation (often made as a casual and superficial reference out of context from its deep meanings and specific cultural origins of which I am an outsider). However, I do resonate with and sense the personal and beyond-personal symbolism of owls. Intuition, wisdom, clear seeing, and a harbinger of change and death.

Mainstream culture can tend to avoid and even recoil at the reality of death. Death is an ending, and along with grief, disorientation, and loss is also the space to dream, create, and break through to the new, to experience rebirth–in this moment, and the next. When we die to the past we open up and are free from beliefs or identities telling us what we can or can’t do or be.

Each moment is an opportunity to start over. To drop the thoughts, the stories, the patterns that keep us fearful, small, or stuck. Not that we are reborn into a blissed out utopian dimension free from fear or stress or human problems, but we no longer let fear guide us or make for us choices that try to protect and keep us safe, but often limit our power and possibilities. Or when we do, we wake up and get the chance to change course and re-calibrate with compassion for the fear and the mis-steps and with courage for moving through it.

I gave my notice at work nearly 2 weeks ago and am approaching the end of my 3 years of working in social services. But this is the smallest of the changes I need to face. What about stepping into my dreams of what is next? What about believing in my unique voice and contributions? What about cutting the crap out that keeps me procrastinating and delaying bold and big action? What about being brave? What about living as if I already am the strong & soulful woman I imagine I want to be?

For me this means the following:

I,

  • make choices in integrity with who I know I can be–the me who is choosing from Love, not fear, the me who is generous, brave, and lives from inner guidance
  • take spiritual and emotional risks in order to grow, even if it feels scary, hard, and painful
  • take a month off from social media to reconnect to the kinds of modes of connection that sustained + nurtured me pre-2.0 (letters, meditation, walks in the woods, time in person with friends and loved ones)
  • throw myself into my passions and spend time each day doing the work that makes the dream possible
  • stop hiding who I am or making myself smaller or “nicer” to be liked
  • call on owl energy and let it serve as a reminder to stay open to change, to trust intuition, to see beyond what my mind thinks is real or possible

What about you? Do you have a list of things you can start or stop doing NOW to move more into the you whom you dream of being one day in the future? What is dying so that something new can be born within you? What is possible for you in the next moment, if you drop a pattern or an old way of being? What is possible if you live as if you know you are already magnificently brilliant and living your purpose? Each moment is an opportunity to reclaim your magic.

Have a list? I’d love to hear what you come up with!

Autumn, Balance, Compassion, Curiosity, Embodiment, Emotions, Experimentation, Freedom, grounding, Healing, Life Coaching, Love, Love is Space, Meditation, Mindfulness, Silence, Soul, Spirituality

Intention, Reflection, Solitude, and Heart

Retro-Fallyinyang

For me, summer can tend to feel full and fun and overflowing with activity. It has a vibrancy and dynamism I enjoy in the hot sunny weather I soak up into my Vitamin D-loving skin.

As we downshift to fall, a new atmosphere takes over. The air is cooler, thinner. The evening sky arrives earlier and night sounds emerge in the dusk. Things slow down.

Last night I sat in my apartment enveloped by cricket sound and shadows and twilight. I felt pulled into a spaciousness and relaxation in the hypnotizing chirp that rose from the darkness.

I find that the arrival of autumn actually creates more space for me to re-set my intentions and be more deliberate about how I expend the energy I have. As I move into quieter days, what are the ways I live that are absolutely essential to my soul and spirit? And of what can I let go?

This brings me to why I do the work of coaching. When I am powering along and checking off to-do lists and staying on top of my responsibilities and running around from social event to work commitment to community meeting, I can go on for some time without ever being with myself. My head takes charge in attempting to manage and organize life, and it seems like I am doing everything “right” and staying on track. But I am not there. I am not in it–i am not really in my body or in my life.

The kind of overflowing that feels most nourishing is not the abundance of outer activity, but the abundance of our own inner resources. Coaching can be that pause button for someone else–and in the questions and the quiet, it offers my clients the opportunity to plug into their inner sense of calm, clarity, energy and wisdom.

I so believe that there is nothing more healing that being with ourselves completely. I am passionate about supporting that connection, in myself and others, that feeds our souls. Noticing, with our natural awareness, what we feel in our bodies. Tuning into our hearts, with breath and attention. Grounded and supported, by our own center.

Join me for a week long online retreat. It’s free…and though it is online, its goal is to get you offline for 20-30 minutes a day of Intention, Reflection, Solitude, and Heart. I will offer simple practices to encourage and support an ease of change into fall stillness and self-connection.

It’s easy to sign up. And the commitment is what you are willing to put in…and what you would like to get out of it. We start 10/10/2015 in the evening…we wrap up 10/17/2015. Each day, you will receive an email inviting you into short meditation, journaling, gratitude, nature walks…you have a lot of choice about how you do the practices. They are designed to nurture you as you only know how. open1

There is also an optional Facebook group that you can join in and share your experiences and support each other, if you wish. Contact me here if you’d like to be added.

Would love to have you there! Sign up here.

Life Coaching, Love is Space, Open, Silence, Soul, Spirituality, Transformation, Wisdom

silence is magic

While working with a client this morning in a coaching session, i asked one of my favorite kinds of questions: the kind that elicits complete and utter silence. The kind that opens up space for her to go inward, to new depths & from a new vantage point she hadn’t previously considered.

During my coaching sessions, i ask a variety of questions. Many of these are to help give me more clarity around why the client thinks the way she thinks.  I notice the things she takes for granted as true and aspects she has left out from view so that i can better sense what options live outside of the way she has formulated and approached the issue she wants coaching around.

Then i ask questions that are meant to stop the client from moving forward and outward with her language and instead to turn her around, to look inside–i mean really look inside, deeper, and to do so with a new frame of reference. What question will break through, create space, and allow her to consider things anew? It doesn’t feel like I am devising some strategy to come up with the “right” question, but rather, quite organically, when the client is ready and willing, our movement back and forth creates the opportunity to drop in more and more.

In these silence-inducing inquiries, i find the client is interrupted from her normal thought pattern, from the known, and is plunged into the unknown or unconsidered. Here, she has no immediate answer.  When pulled out of her familiar story and usual way of relating with life events and inner experiences, she is speechless and must go look inside of herself for understanding.

silence

I  love when listening & intuition lead me into questions that open up this silence because i know this is where the magic happens! Sometimes it is the question alone, given time to sink in and reframe her thinking–that is more powerful than any answer could be.

The client may say something explicitly like “I have never thought about it that way,” or “Hmmm, that’s an interesting question.” They may say nothing. My job as coach is to offer the question and give them the gift of silence. Silence is rare in our speedy media & tech saturated society. It is a beautiful way to witness, listen deeply, and to require of the client to rely on her own knowing and wisdom.

It is so essential for me, as a coach, to not fill that powerful silent and open space with more talk or with any attachment of getting to some goal or specific realization. When the client receives the silence, and receives the invitation by diving into themselves, they make a powerful shift. They have moved…maybe only an inch, but they have shifted into an unfamiliar stance from which that question was asked. They are changed. They will continue to change after the call is over as they ponder the question and integrate the shifted perspective. Coaching creates silence, and silence is magic.

What are some ways you can create more silence in your life?